Something within – part 2: Growing up

When I was small, much smaller than I am now, you used to take me to your office whenever I wasn’t in school.

I remember, you used to fill in your serious reports while I was playing in your office. Sometimes you worked so hard that I would fell asleep on that gray sofa you had there. But I didn’t mind, I knew when I wake up your work will be finished and we will spend time talking about stuff that were pretty serious for me back then.

We used to laugh so much and you often told me we are learning about each other with every sentence we exchange. You were wondering how come you cannot anticipate my next move like you could with other people in your life. I was happy you chose to spend some quality time with me.

I used to love sitting on your desk, trying to mix your papers up. You were trying to maintain a serious face while you were threatening – “Stop with this at once or I will, I will…” – and then you would burst into laughter and I knew I was safe.

Sometimes I would sneak behind your desk and take a paper off it. Murphy’s law ensured it was always the paper you needed the most. You searched for it all over your office until your eyes would catch me giggling on the sofa. You would smile back at me – like we are participating in some kind of conspiracy.

Those walks we had from your office to your home, they were too short. You were rushing to get there and yet, our most interesting conversations were conducted then.

At some point you stopped taking me with you to your office. You were saying your job became too demanding. I tried to maintain some contact with you so I was sending you my school seminars. You seemed glad every time you received one but you never asked for it. You were content with the amount of socializing I was triggering. You didn’t feel the need to trigger it yourself.

I decided to surprise you one day. I payed for the Taxi, with the money from my allowance, to drive me to your office building. I was waiting for you in front of it. My mind was flooded by the memories of us walking home in a rush, talking about all the things the small(er) me used to fancy.

You came out the building holding her by the hand. She was smaller than me. I remembered you used to mention her in our walks towards the end of that happy period. I knew she was in your life too but you were always choosing to take me to your office so I wasn’t really thinking about her.

You were happy to see me, even gave me a chocolate bar with that conspiracy-looking-smile. At first I was delighted by this chocolate. Then it struck me – you weren’t expecting me and this chocolate wasn’t meant for me. It was meant to be hers.

I gave you back that chocolate and forbid you to give me anything that wasn’t meant for me ever again. Now that I think about it, that was the last time you tried to give me something.


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