Listen to Boney M’s “Brown girl in the ring”.
To a child, a world of grown ups may seem much scarier than to an adult (even though to adults it can seem pretty scary too). Also, a child tends to accept as normal the behavior he or she grew up surrounded with. Children tend to idolize their parents often justifying parents’ mistakes because it is easier to justify it than to acknowledge that his or her parents aren’t perfect. Later in life this can become quite a burden and a child that is now a grown up has to learn to deal with the fact his or her parents are far from being perfect.
My mouse and two of my sister’s mouses were playing with superhero figurines. My mouse was holding a Hulk.
“Now my Hulk gets into a rage mode.”, said my mouse.
“Yes and mine still has his superpower so it is stronger than you.”, said my sister’s younger mouse.
“Yes, but my Hulk gets into my mum’s rage mode.”
All three of them continued to play. Neither of my sister’s mouses argued about “his mum’s rage mode”, as if they all knew what mode is that and that it is much more powerful than a normal rage of a Hulk.
Transformation of a gentle and caring parent into a raging mode parent is something we all witnessed while growing up. It usually happens as a result of event not controllable by them. As a child I learned very early what events trigger rage modes of my parents and, for most of those events, I knew exactly how long I can push things into direction I want them to be pushed before they will snap. My siblings didn’t learn that so they were punished more often than me. I beat the system so to speak.
Learning when and what buttons to push and when and what buttons to avoid is a useful skill that will later help us in negotiating a promotion or a bigger salary. If we are about to willingly trigger a transformation of a person we are communicating with, we better make sure that person will transform into something we know how to deal with.
What to do with our own rage mode transformations? How to explain them to our children and how to put them under control (by them I mean rage modes – we all know it is impossible to put a child under control – we can merely try to point them into the right direction)? This is something we all need to decide for ourselves once we become aware of it.